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| So im sitting here with my parents talking about my relationships with Grant and Johnathan. I'm getting to the point that I don't know what to do anymore. Grant wants to propose to me and I told my mom about it. She kinda went off on me about ending it with John and I keep telling her that I don't know what to do. He keeps putting me through this guilt trip that I can't seem to let go of. He keeps telling me that the only thing he has to live for is his family and that if he loses that than he has nothing. What do you do when someone says that to you? Do you stay around and keep putting on this fake smile on just to make the other person happy and keep them from doing something stupid or do you just make a point to let them know that no matter what, you have to make yourself happy to be able to live your life to the fullest. I don't want him to think that his life ends here because it doesn't. There's so much more out there that he hasn't experienced yet and he's still young to do whatever it is that makes him feel good about himself. That's his real problem. He has no self confidence, is very ..... what's the word, insecure about EVERYTHING! I just wish he could find someone that he trust's, love's him for who he is and is willing be be there for him through anything. I was at one point but the love I had for him is no longer there. People change and thats what I did. I changed. I'm not the same person he met 6 years ago and never will be. I don't want to be that person anymore. I like the person I am now except for the fact that i'm not happy. I would be if Grant and I were together. I want to be with him so bad that drives me coocoo! He's the one person I would want to spend the rest of my life with and wouldn't even think twice about it. He's a wonderful person with a great personality, a striking sense of humor, very smart and he's overall very charming. He loves me for me and wants so bad to be apart of mine and Braylee's life. He loves her so much already and has never even met her. It's very exciting to know that one day i'm going to have this wonderful family with someone that i'm so in love with. And have been for many years. But then on the other hand Johnathan said something to me the other day that kinda had me thinking. Grant left me to go to the Army and never once called to let me know that he was leaving and wanted to break up because he didn't think that a long distance relationship would work. He hurt me so much when I found out that he wasn't ever going to call again. I was so in love with him that it felt like he ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I was crushed! I cried for so long that one night i was so numb for all the pot i'd smoked and alcohol i'd drank that i found love in the person that I knew at the time still loved me, Johnathan. Thats when Braylee came along and I knew then I was stuck in a relationship that I didn't want to be in in the first place. But what was I to do? Raise a child on my own with nothing to offer her? No, I stayed with Johnathan knowing that my child would have everything she needed. A FAMILY and 2 parents that loves her very much and always will. I just hope that when she older that she understands that she'll have 3 parents that love her very much that will always be there for her no matter what she goes through. I love you Braylee Mae Witt!! | | |
| I know its been a long time since ive wrote but today i feel like this computer is the only thing thats listening. Grant and I finally got back in touch. Things were good for awhile but then his girlfriend broke up with him. So dumb me thought I would have a chance with him again. We were saying goodmorning to each other every morning and talking like we use to. U know, about having a family together, getting married, us getting a place together, and having really great sex. But then Sasha ( his ex ) come back in the picture and now things are going down hill. He still loves her and I can understand that. Been there and well, still doin that. All I wanted was someone that loved me as much as I loved them and Grant was that person. But wow, was I wrong. I never thought things would end up like they did but I was wrong again. So im still asking that same old question, "what do I do from here?" I want to be friends with him but I can't seem to do that. IM IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!! I feel stupid sometimes cause i love him so much and I don't know why. He was my everything and it's all gone. WHY?? Why does he have to be so difficult. Why do men period have to be so difficult? All I wanted was to be happy and have a man that would be a great daddy for Braylee. Thats it!!! Why does that seem so hard now-a-days? I have so many questions and no one to give me answers. So this is as good as it gets I guess. Hopefully one day we'll be together but if it doesn't happen, thats ok too. Grant, if u ever read this just remember that i love you more than anything in the world and theres nothing that I wouldn't do for you. | | |
| So i'm stuck. Not sure what to do. I was supossed to get an apartment with Kristen and that fell through as everything usually does. I'm so stuck that I don't think this time I can get myself out no matter how hard I try. The only thing that I can do now is hope that Grant will understand but the thing is I know he won't. He never does. I just wish sometimes he could understand the things i'm going through and know that i'm trying as best as I can. He should know by now that it's not him that their all worried about. It's just that they don't have much to give. It's seems like that's just the way things work anymore. Sometimes I just wanna give up and go back to Florida and start over again. It seems like the only option I have anymore. I wish someone or something will give me or at least give an answer on what to do. I don't wanna give up but what choice do I have? Lord please help me!!! Am I really burrying myself deeper or am I really trying my hardest? Please somebody tell me something cause I don't know what to do anymore. I love this boy than lide it's self but it seems like all i'm doing is fucking it up more than trying to make things better. Am I trying to hard? | | |
| So I know that I haven't wrote in awhile but I've been really busy with life. I got a really good job as a Assistant Manager working for a 7-Eleven in Lakeland, Fl. I love it, but then I ended up moving to Kentucky with Caiden so we could be together. Finally after 2 years, we started a relationship and it's going great. We're getting married next January and we'll have a place in a couple of days. I love my life. I'm missing my job pretty bad but i'll live. I can find another one. Savannah and I finally got to where we can be friends and not fight which is a good thing on my part but Caiden is another story. He can't stand her. He wishes she would just die and stay out of my life forever but really I can't blame him. She did really hurt me and put me through alot of bullshit. Really about put me in the nut house. I think if it wasn't for Caiden and my family I would really be messed up in the head. I thank them so much for the thing that i have accomplished. Even my Ex Johnathan. He reeally helped me out. Took me out so that I had someone to talk to and clear my head. I just hope he knows that no matter what i'll still always be here for him no matter what. But all in all things are good and i'm thankful for everything that everybodys done for me. I wouldn't change none of it for the world. Thanks everybody for being there for me and letting me know that no matter what, things happen for a reason and the sun is always shining on the other side no matter how bad things can seem. | | |
| So Savannah and I has finally excepted the fact that we won't ever be together again.It's not that we don't want to be together it's just that we know that we can't. We are two totally different people. We clash and fight way too much. She has finally realized how bad it hurts to lose someone that you love so much. I wish we could have worked things out but i'm kinda glad we didn't. I now have someone that I am truely in LOVE with and it feels great. I don't think that i've ever been this happy with someone. He's great. He always has a smile on his face, looks positive at things no matter if their good or bad and loves me for who I am. This last time I went to see him I don't think things could have been any more right. I loved every minute of the time we got to spend with each other. We talked about things that we didn't get to say to each other before we parted, held one another, goofed around and just had a good time. Not to long ago he asked me to marry him and I said "yes". I was so shocked that I cried. I guess the reason was because I didn't think that I would ever see him again. It was almost like fate. Like GOD had a plan for us to be together. I don't ever question god but this time I wanted to but I didn't. I just left things as they were but I have to say that I couldn't be happier. He's the love of my life and the daddy of our future children. I can't wait to marry this man. He's everything that i've ever wanted in a peron and now days it's really hard to find that. He has a great job as a nurse, is very smart and intellegent, has a diploma, and is willing to do everything in his power to make me happy. Which if I may say doesn't take much. I love this man more than anything in the world and I can't wait till the day I can say "I DO" and spend the rest of my life with him. I still love Savannah, don't get me wrong. She has done so much for me and I thank her for that but the day that we laid hands on each other was the day I finally realized that we weren't meant to be with together. I hope she knows that she will always be in my heart and that I wish the best for her. She's deffentially one in a million and I hope that won't ever change. God bless | | |
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